Deadpool vs Fanfiction (starting with RWBY)
by Random Chinese Guy
Summary: Deadpool is going to meet fanfiction in person. Rate T for language primarily. The first series he meets will be RWBY, so read on... or not.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there avid readers or just bored people, this here is my first story about obviously taken from the title. Here's where Deadpool meets the fanfiction universe and the first up to meet is RWBY. Yeah...this is gonna be...different.**

 **There's going to be spoilers obviously.**

 **Deadpool is talking in "" or otherwise indicated, same for yellow caption box is ().**

 **Disclaimer: Like hell I'm creator or owner of Deadpool or RWBY.**

* * *

 _The story begins with a certain famed antihero sitting in his apartment from his official game. He sits -_

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Seriously is this the best opening line you can start with?"

 _No Deadpool don't interrupt or critic me when I'm narrating the prologue; you're suppose to do that in the first chapter or when I formally introduce you._

[Actually since this is our fanfiction, we're allowed commentate on anything especially your faults]

 _! White Caption box from_ _Deadpool_ _vol 3 - 12, you're here too?!_

(Of course he's here. Why wouldn't he be here fanboy!)

"That's right, just because he got absorbed by Madcap, SPOILER ALERT! Doesn't mean he's restricted to unofficial fanfiction or whatever the hell this story is classified as."

[It feels good to be back amongst familiar minds, even if it's temporarily in fanfiction of all things.]

(Oh yeah! The unholy mental trinity is back to together again!)

 _NO! WAIT! HANG ON! The three of you guys are seriously going to take up too many lines!_ _Deadpool_ _'s lines alone are undoubtedly going take up a third of any chapter. The both of you caption boxes can't run wild as you normally please! ESPECIALLY in fanfiction!_

"Nuh-uh! its been awhile since I've had this guy in my head. If anything he's narrating and YOU fanboy writer are just gonna be the typing monkey."

[While I wouldn't normally argue the hierarchical positions in fanfiction. This is fanfiction.]

(HUH?! I'm Deadpool! I decide what's best for the fans.)

"YEEEAAAAH! You tell them buddy!"

 _EEEEENOOUUGH! E-FUCKING-NOUGH! 15 lines into the story and already the prologue is not a prologue and the readers are losing patience while wondering where the hell is the story going!_ _Deadpool_ _will continue on as he normally is with media appearances and the occasional 4th wall breaks, but you two are only in when one-liners are required or Deadpool has to talk to you!_

"Whoa! There fanboy who's username is also an accurate description of his place in the world. This may be a crossover but the protagonist is meee! I don't need you when I've got hundreds of other writers, both marvel and non-, to write this. You're only writing this cause you saw RWBY vol 3 episode 12 and my film on the same day."

(YEAH! It only took you a couple of days to "get inspired" to do this AND a 12 hour wait period for new users)

[Uhhh guys? I really don't think its a good idea to antagonize the writer of this story, who's also our fan.]

"Pffft. What's he gonna do to us when we exist on a metaphysical plane of Hollywood, games, comics and social existence that's vastly beyond him."

 _..._

[Aaaand that there is a red flag raised.]

 _Wade Winston Wilson plus yellow caption box. This is gonna go one of two ways. Either you lot behave respectively to the story and the prologue continues off with whatever left of it or..._

"OOOORRRR what you'll get flame mail in your inbox! Uh oh too late!"

 _OOORRR I bring in psychoanalysis discussions of your lotion scene with Cable, Weasel, Iron Fist and Luke Cage from YOUR official fan forums_

[" _Our moronic hero is seen sitting in his armchair scented of texmex and other bodily smells from what he wishes was sexual encounters."_ ]

 _Ohh, not to mention with your announcement of your sequel with Cable, while there are considerable candidates to portray him. cable is a time traveler so I wonder who should play as the roles of young summers and you. Maybe we can ask the fangirls of twilight?_

(" _He holds a cracked and bloody tablet found from up his ass during his last adventures._ ")

"And as he stares deeply and finger pointing typing into his tablet, he says, 'Shit the WiFi signal from Starbucks isn't strong enough. Figures that they want trap you in there.'"

 _*slow deep inhale & exhale*...Our complicated hero is none other than __Deadpool_ _the 'Merc with a mouth' who both surprisingly and not-, decided to post cynical comments all over wolverine's related fanfiction._

"Hahaha that furry midget is so overrated, so what if he appears in 7 films featuring him and the other x-men, my film has been out only for six days { **directed tone towards readers** } and has reached 5 times its budget."

(And that's the reason why you been spamming the comments section of the x-men's stories with "God hates Wolverine.")

"Somebody's got to remind everybody who's solo film was terrible, while yours truly is awesome."

 _Deadpool rests the tablet on his lap while reaching for stale Mexican hotpockets with his right hand, while his left gets him his 69 shot of espresso coffee. As he attempts to reach for both, inexplicably the Infinity Gem of Reality falls from the ceiling and lands right on top of the tablet touching the fanfiction logo and an google ad for RWBY merchandise. A mass of spectrum light begins to radiate from the gem._

"...Seriously?"

(...Seriously?)

[...Seriously?]

 _YOU GUYS took up most of the prologue with your lines. Now the prologue will come to an end and YOU THREE will wrap it it up accordingly, NOT argue or else I'll buy and watch a blu-ray of Wolverine Origins and write a fanfic about that instead._

[...This can't be a good sign of things to come.]

(AHHH! WE'RE BEING SUCKED INTO THE INTERNET THROUGH CHEESY CLICHES!)

"THIS IS STILL BETTER THAN FANTASTIC FOUR OF 2015!"

 _Across the multiverse of fanfiction, the waves of power press against characters of all media, all their eyes widening to the presence of power suddenly passing through them._

 _The scene cuts to four particular heroines scattered across a city called Vale and unlike those who merely stood in wonder of what they felt; these young huntresses suddenly feel an inexplicable chill down their spines._

* * *

 **Okay the prologue was... sort of a success.**

 **I hope you all enjoy this attempt at a first.**

 **Be sure to let me know what's your feedback on this.**

 **...Or just send cease-and-desist mail; that'll work too**


	2. Annoucement by Fanfiction Deapool

**Hey there avid readers or just bored people, this here is my first story about obviously taken from the title. Here's where Deadpool meets the fanfiction universe and the first up to meet is RWBY. Yeah...this is gonna be...different.**

 **There's going to be spoilers obviously.**

 **Deadpool is talking in "" or otherwise indicated, yellow caption box is (), & white caption box is [].**

 **Disclaimer: Like hell I'm creator or owner of Deadpool or RWBY.**

* * *

"The scene opens to the readers with our awesome hero Deadpool sitting cross-legged in a certain Star Trek 60s' command chair and says, 'Hey there readers. Some of you are probably wondering why is there an announcement just after the prologue of this story featuring me. Well I'm here to explain it all.'"

("A yellow caption box appears over Deadpool's left shoulder and depicts, "Well our writer is terrible, lazy and just plain terrible.'")

["A white caption box appears over Deadpool's right shoulder and depicts, 'Or to be more specific rather than post a new chapter bi-weekly he instead practically finished writing it and didn't post it for your enjoyment.'"]

(All he had to do was fill in the small details of scenes, correct the grammar)

[Dot i's and cross t's]

"Draw the nipples and detail that ass. Oh wait, this is writing he has no drawing skills."

[But never fear for he shall soon post the entire story completely finished.]

(Just after he watches the movies Hardcore Henry and RWBY vol 1 in theaters on 4/27 which is today; talk about shameless support.)

"It certainty shows what kind of man our writer is watching a tv show about 4 high school girls."

[Technically one is a middle schooler.]

("Ohhhh yeaaaah he's really being seen in a new kind of light now.)

"At least he's pre-ordered our Blu-ray"

"Oh! That's right! Guys be sure to grab a copy of my awesome film"

(It be nice if we succeed in sales like Firefly.)

[Pretty sure we won't.]

"Anyway to show how much I love you guys and to screw this writer I'm gonna post a few scenes from the unedited chapters for you guys to enjoy!"

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" screamed Roman.

"YOUR FANGIRLS!" screamed Deadpool.

* * *

"I wish I had the most legal available boner right now"

[Nice to know that we haven't compromised the age restriction of the story.]

* * *

"WHY ARE YOU WEARING ONE OF MY SKIRTS!?" says a furious Weiss in a shrieking tone of voice.

* * *

[You can't kill him he has story continuity.]

* * *

"And there you have it folks, a little bit of preview for when the writer posts the story within two weeks."

 _HEY! Who formatted my hard drive i had a lot of work on there_

'"He's talking about his pr0n,' whispered Deadpool."

[Hey isn't our story on that hard dri-]


	3. Chapter 2 - Meetin' Blake

**_Narrator is depicted as this_ , Deadpool is represented by "" or otherwise indicated, (Yellow Caption Box), [White Caption Box]  
**

* * *

 **"Soooo...whatever happened to that two weeks notice that 'I' announced. 3 MONTHS AGO?"**

 _ **...I have nothing to say in my defense nor an acceptable offering in which to placate patient readers or non-existent fans...**_

 **[To everyone's surprise and not, you can mostly fault yourself for surrendering into materialistic desires along with the financial crisis that accompanies.]**

 **(Ahhhh that wondrous new electric crack Blizzard made, you certainly did needed to be "Overwatch'd")**

 **"HEY?! YOU STOLE MY PUN! Also he got RE5HD and for a week got infected and tried to the spread 'I'm at soup' plague."**

 **[uhhh...the suffering of conceptual idea...]**

 **(Hey with the rate of chapter uploads are you by chance on the developing team for Half Life 3?)**

 _ **Okay. That's enough. While I don't mean to backtalk the lecture, these folks here came for a story. And before you lot even start, the ranting alone would be chapters long and I still gotta hear from the audience.**_

 **"Fine."**

 **(Fine.)**

 **[Fine.]**

* * *

 _The scene opens to a massive cyclonic rift swirling with variations of energies tinted reddish and bolts of thunder arcing across it eye. Careening about in the center we see our venerated hero; calm without a care, sitting cross-legged and reading vanity fair._

"I think I gotta give Miller something more than a fruitcake for Christmas this year, though if he has me outed in my next film by Cable I'm gonna -WHAT?! HEY! WE'RE BACK!"

(It's been more than 3 months since anything. I thought the writer quit.)

[No, he's just lazy, busy, lazy, terrible and mostly a lazy human being.]

 _At one end of the rift a spark of light shines brighter and getting closer in contact with Deadpool. He attempts to cover his face with his hands, but stops as an image begins to come into view within the light. Realizing that he's about to visit another dimension, he reaches into rear pouch pocket and puts on a pair of 8-bit sunglasses and squints at what is coming into view._

 _Two men are seen walking side-by-side down a decrepit street carrying rifles in their hands and swords at their waist. They wear matching white vests with sleeveless black shirt and pants; their heads are hooded and faces covered with a steel mask with four slits to allow visibility. The only difference between the two is one has has antlers on his head while the other wore glasses. Suddenly a flash of light flares thirty feet above their heads, the two raise their rifles at the source of light and see a white swirl of energy 3 meters in diameter. They lower their weapons and stare at the strange phenomena above them when suddenly a red man falls from it and lands on top of them._

"Ahhh, that's the problem with interdimensional travel these days; never an easy one unless you got a phone booth or a stargate to do it," _says Deadpool as he pops his joints back into place and stands up._

(But mostly due to bad writing or plot skills.)

"Woah! So where in world are we now? Marvel? DC? Disney?!"

 _He stands up holding his right hand to his head, shaking off the disorderly feeling of dimensional travel and scans his surroundings composed of ruined buildings._

"...Jersey...for over three months..by the power of an infinity gem and nevermind bad writing...I'm in Jersey..."

[Actually if either of you two bothered to pay attention to the title story or Internet web series. We're in the world of RWBY.]

(What's with the w? And guys we're standing on?)

[Go watch the commentary on all three volumes for explanation. And seeing how they've got guns, swords and we're in a jersey-ish city they're probably not nice people.]

 _Deadpool quickly takes stock of his own inventory, his untrusty teleporter, a satchel consisting of coupons for taco, his chef hat, instant pancake mix, his liver, a collection of Bea Arthur on Blu-ray, spare masks, a photo of his daughter Ellie, another liver_ , _Hulk-size Fruit of the Looms, his secret Santa gift from Cable titled "Time Travel for Dummies," Wolverine's liver and some other non-practical items unsuited for combat._

"All this great stuff and you didn't bother to pack anything hardcore."

"Can't be helped I left the adults-only toys back on Earth-12101," s _aid Deadpool as he begins to help himself to the unconscious mens' weapons._

(That was 3 years ago what about the time till now.)

 _As he places two ninjaken swords into his back scabbards, he checks and inspects the rifles as they hold not only bullets but a small red gem he says,_ "Ohhh you meant guns, I took those out to make more room in the pockets and to help with story setting of obtaining guns. **It's all on you writer**."

 _He pulls the trigger and notices the shot fired is bright red and after making contact with the pavement leaves an impact greater than the similar calibur weapons he owned along with scorch marks._

"Woah! The gun shoots flaming bullets."

(Hang on... There's a joke in there somewhere...nope can't think of one.)

"Oh come on man it writes itself and..ahh," _Deadpool looks upward as he hears the sound of growling and sees a werewolf-like creature only pitch black wearing a bonelike mask and spikes jutting out of its fur. The creature stands on top of rumble staring down on a red man and two motionless men; it rears it's head back with claws raised back and roars a mighty howli-_

( _BANG! The fantasy werewolf's head explodes._ )

"Yeah too much uninteresting narration and not enough story," _says Deadpool as he places the smoking rifle over his shoulder. HEY! YOU GUYS can't just cut scenes short like that!_

[We're just expediting the story more efficiently and entertainingly for the readers.]

 _There's a method and means required for stories in order for readers to appeased by both appeal and intellect. Deadpool looks up from the disintegrating Beowulf corpse towards an empty sky and says._

"Ya know at the rate you write at and so-called good literacy; the readers already know that you're still f*ckin' lazy and intentionally drag on and on about obvious sh*t they already know and you still suck."

 _THAT'S NOT LAZY WRITING! This! However is._

[uh oh]

 _Next scene contains Deadpool surrounded by 3 dozen Beowulves attacking him. He fights. They bite_ _. They bite and fight and bite. A right arm gets bit._

""AAARRRRGGGGHH! MY JACK-OFF HAND AND ARM!"

 _Suddenly a catgirl jumps into the fray and starts taking out the Grim in a more awesome and hotter way than Deadpool did. During the fight Deadpool enters his Pool-mind makes 99 pussy-related jokes of which I block, omit, and defer the audience to search the internet for them. After Blake, the catgirl, finishes off the last one she sheathes her weapon and walks over to Mr. Wilson. Deadpool goes to one of the fallen Beowulves toget his arm_. _Take it away Wade._

"I ...can't believe that just happened..." _He says with eyes and mouth wide open under his mask._

(Hey is he allowed to do that?!)

[At the cost of readers and writing integrity apparently.]

"Hey are you okay?" _asked Blake as she gives a gaze of worry at Deadpool for acting casual at the lost of his arm._

"OH ME. I'm totally fine babe." _says Deadpool as he gives a left handed thumbs up._

[I'm fairly certain this girl is in high school since fictional characters appearance equals age.]

(Yeah not like reality where adding and subtracting 10 years equals not thrown in jail.)

 _Blake glares at the reply given before switching back to a concerned look and says._ "Looks like you're missing a lot of your arm that's hardly fine."

"What? THIS? Oh it's no problem at all," _says Deadpool as he pulls his bitten off arm from the black ooze of the monster and begins to stick it back on,_ "This kind of stuff happens all the time and watch it'll be nearly good as new in a few minutes."

 _While watch Deadpool attempt to stick his arm back into place all's while the blood continuously gushes out, Blake queasingly looks at the action and says,_ "I'm guessing your semblance is high speed healing."

"Semblance? Mutant power? Super power? Yeah I bounce back pretty quick."

(That's what you wish you could say.)

 _As she eyes the two men laying in the street Blake says_ , "Seeing how you took out those White Fang soldiers I'm guessing you're a hunter trying to find their hideout?"

 _While whispering off hand to his right; Deadpool asks his caption boxes,_ "I don't remember checking out that book did you guys did?"

[I think she's referring to the unconscious guys we landed on]

"OHH! THAT'S RIGHT! Yep! Hunter! That's me! Just trying to find those guy's place and their stuff," spoke Deadpool as he rests fists on his hips and makes said proclamation.

(Real smooth wilson how about trying a second take on that with introduction.)

"Speaking of which what're you doing here? By the way the name's Olo. Hans Olo. And You?"

 _Are you f*cking kidding me?!_

(Are you f*cking kidding me?!)

[Are you f*cking kidding m?!]

"My name is Blake. Blake Belladonna. I'm a student at Beacon academy and I came here to find my friends' pet dog who are also my teammates. He kinda got kidnapped so the four of us came here and split up to find these guys; hoping that they'll lead us to Zwei the dog." _As she began explaining her situation, Blake pulled out a cellphone-like device out of her pocket and after a few finger movements she showed " **Hans Olo** " a picture of four girls and a dog._

 _After bending close to the screen with his mostly reattached hand stroking his chin, Deadpool noticed a few things. First, none of them were legal for him. Two, so was the dog. Three, if he messed with the first two his relation with Ellie would go bad. Four, he currently has nothing to do. Five, if he messed with the first two Shiklah might get angry with him particularly the dog._ "Okay I'll help you out."

"Really?! Thanks Mr. Olo it would be a lot faster and safer if a professional hunter like you helped out. Are you sure it's okay to drop what you were currently doing?" _as Blake exclaimed at his response will giving an inquiring look._

"Yeah! Sure. What kind of heroic hunter would I be if I didn't stop and reunited a pooch and an owner together." _As Deadpool responded he noticed that one of the white fang soldiers slowly stir and after groaning Blake took notice as well._ "Oh good! A henchman awakens to timely assist. Hey Tigra, I'll convince him to help us out. How about you finish off his buddy and dump his corpse down that exposed sewer." _As Deadpool suggested while sauntering to the waking soldier. With a mix of cringing and disgust, Blake replied with,_ "Or I could just drag him into that ditch and roll that dumpster over him. Also how did you know that I was a cat faunus?"

"Yaaahhhh it was easy!" said Deadpool as he hoisted and dragged the now shaken soldier over to a run down building. "I googled your show while waiting after a month for the writer to remember the story."

(I can't believe we had internet during our travel.)

[I can't believe we subscribed 3 months to Netflix when we could've just Youtube everything.]

"W-Wait. What? I. Don't. What?" _Blake could only stutter and stammer at attempting to process what he said. After moments passed and seeing how **Hans Olo** wasn't going to explain what he said, Blake gave up and turned to securing the other member._

 _As Deadpool continued to pull his newly acquired enemy they finally reached a space large enough to house a vehicle. He stops and throws down the White Fang member and pulls a spork out from one of his pouches. The goon on the floor having regained enough of strength and consciousness; looks up to Deadpool and says,_ "W-What..are you...gonna...do to...me? I-I'll...never...rat out my comrades-so you can just...forget it. I-Is that a spoon? What can you do with that?"

 _While inspecting his spork for potential defects or uncleanliness, turning it and testing its ends, Deadpool replies_ "Wwweeeelllll here's the thing bub. I'm currently trying my hardest to be a good guy as depicted in my recent issues. Now normally even now I wouldn't help a gal that could slice n' dice a bunch of werewolves, but you guys kidnapped a pooch. (Whatever happened to Taco the dog) [Are you talking about the Yo Quiero dog or the one we got Ellie with a bit of our brain spliced in it?] (Both) "She got put down and wait for guest appearances in future issues. Anyway-"

"Wait. What?!" _The terrorist could only reply to such a confusing answer. Deadpool finished looking at the spork to his target and said,_ "I wasn't talking to yo-Bob? Bob?! BOB IS THAT YOU?! BOB, Agent of Hydra? Or is it BILL?! BILL, Agent of Aim?" _As Deadpool exclaimed at the sight of a very familiar looking fellow._

"WHAT?! N-No! No! I-I'm Perry. Perry of the White Fang." _Said Perry as his readjusted his glasses over his mask while slowly getting up._

 _Deadpool raises a heavily skeptic and quizzingly look at the man naming himself._ "Rrriiiighttttt. Perry. Perry the not-platypus."

 _A pause in the air hangs with the tension significantly reduced. Both men now standing and staring at each other over the bizarre conversation and discovery._

 _Feeling like he should be the one to clear everything up Deadpool speaks_. "OOOkay this kinda changes things. See before I was gonna just torture ya n' then force ya to help me buuuut you're kinda like some of my useless sidekicks. SOOooo ya wanna just do whatever I tell you to do and get over it?"

"! WHHAAATTTT!? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I'LL JUST DO WHATEVER YOU SAY?! I AM-" _After hearing Deadpool's plan, Perry errupted into anger and began shouting in rage at sheer idea that HE would go along with such a course of action. As soon as Deadpool heard backtalk coming from his new minion, his shoulders and eyes drooped in exasperation and proceeded to block out the unintelligible language._

"WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH!" _shouted by Perry translated into Deadpool understanding._ [Ugh. It's been only 10 seconds and already our new useless sidekick is barely even meeting the standards.] "WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH!" _shouted Perry that Deadpool heard._ (I know right. But I think it's because our old useless sidekicks submitted quicker only after we killed a bunch of their buddies and then they were the last ones left) "WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH!" _What deadpool hears._ "Well the requirements didn't the those meetings so I guess...I just spoon him to convince him?" (Yup.) [Yup.] "WAH-WAH-WAH-W-Wait What?" _As Perry just heard what Deadpool had said; Deadpool walked over to him with spork-in-hand like a surgical tool and a mix look of annoyance and boredom._

 _Due to the graphic nature utilized by Deadpool by spork the follow scenes will not be written. If you are still curious then use your own imagination of how the scene unfolds in under two minutes. Hint: The idea of spooning someone but with Deadpool misunderstanding about it with no corrections even after enlightened._

 _We cut to a scene outside with Blake just having finished containing the other White Fang member who was still unconscious and laid in a ditch concealed by a wheeled dumpster. Despite her past connection to them, Blake still felt it wrong to kill or leave someone to die, at least this way he would hidden from Grim while needing time to get_ _out. She proceeded on updating her fellow teammates over her scroll about the recent events that transpired. Since a trained hunter would be more than enough to rescue Zwei, Blake would continue on with him while the others would simply head back and wait. After she hung up, she put away her scroll and looked in the direction **Hans Olo** went with other White Fang. She gave a look of surprise as she saw Deadpool walking towards her with hands behind his head with a carefree attitude, and just behind him was the other member. She was confused at how relaxed Mr. Olo looked while the other was heavily slouching over with such a heavy and depressing air about him._

"Hey Felicia. I like you to meet my buddy Perry. Perry the not-platypus. So it turns out that there's not an official main hideout for his gang but a bunch small outposts instead. Luckily Perry knows which one that's got the poochy-in-distress, and is going to get us into there through an emergency exit. The place got's about twenty-plus guys, bunch of crates loaded with weapons, as well as some flying bulls we can use to make a clean escape, buuuut they do have a serious dust problem apparently. Sooooo no sneezing."

 _Blake couldn't believe what she was hearing; in just about five minutes Mr. Olo had managed to convince a member of the White Fang to not only give so much intel but also help them. At first she thought he had tortured Perry but he showed no signs of injuries or pain since he was walking without any problems. Blake could only guess that Mr. Olo was convincing enough to show Perry the wrongs that he could right. Now a supposedly impossible mission was going to be accomplished within a day. She hoped one day she can also be as amazing as him._

"ALRIGHT! We're all set! Let's get going! Perry! Lead us down that shattered brick road! Post! Haste!" Boasted Deadpool as he patted Perry on shoulder. "Yes Sir Mr. Olo Sir. This way..." _In a low tone of voice and sound of resignation, Perry began walking in a direction towards the outpost the two sought for._

" _There is. Absolutely. No way. This guy. Is a hunter. I wish a real hunter caught me. I actually wish he would just torture me. I WISH I WAS EATEN BY GRIM! ANYTHING would be preferred over what just happened. There's no amount drugs and alcohol can fix me...I just have to do what he wants and then...he'll be gone...he'll be gone...he'll be gone. YES. Yes, this is the best course of action for me._ " _Thought Perry to himself. Interestingly enough he kept thinking those thoughts over and over like a mantra until they reached their destination. Even more interestingly despite the negative state Perry was in, no monsters approached the trio during their travels. The grim actually flocked to the area where ...a certain event had transpired for months._

 _20 minutes later the trio arrived at a derelict church and stood in front of a storm cellar steel door located just a mile from an old airfield. Perry turns toward the two and speaks,_ "Our outpost is an underground bullhead assembly area that we managed to salvage and use. There's a bunch of smaller tunnels that branch out but they all lead out to cellar entrances like this one. Most of the tunnels have collapsed over time or by us, we have three places that act as entrances and exists, one hangar ceiling and finally this hidden exit." _After patting Perry on the head and giving him some pancake mix, Deadpool turns to Blake and says,_ "Alright Catwoman what plan you got when you got this far?"

"Unfortunately my teams' plans were...kinda all over place. Pretty much overall it was find Zwei, make a big mess and leave. Sorry it isn't what you'd expect." Blake replied with an embarassed look.

"THAT'S A GREAT PLAN!" _As Deadpool gives a thumbs up to Blake and startling her._

(It's the only plan that always works)

[It's also a plan that gets one of heroes killed and another captured.]

"R-Really it seems too simple and really dangerous." _Blake replied with a double take_.

"Nah you're just being superstitious about it." _Deadpool responding to white caption box and unintentionally to Blake as well._

[I'm gonna call and get some help don't do anything for 10 seconds.]

"O-Okay. Do we just go in and improvise on the spot," _Blake asked._

"NOO! Don't do that we totally got this; it just needs 'some MAXIMUM effort' {d **irected tone towards readers** }" Deadpool retorted and unintentionally again answering Blake.

[Okay I'm back aaaaand cue assistance] _Just then Deadpool's cellphone went off and he saw the contact photo of a certain someone bearing resemblance to Stephen Lang & Ron Perlman and be the one person who could possibly call him in another world. While giving Blake and Perry a just-a-sec gesture, Deadpool walks off a few steps away to take the call. What could be heard from this 60 second conversation was a brief one-sided shouting at Deadpool followed by him listening and shaking his head. He puts away his phone and walks back to the two._

"Alright Cheetara here's the plan. Perry will ready us a flying bull as discreetly possible. You will grab whatever explosives they got in those crates and put them on the other bulls and whatever else needs fireworks. Perry mentioned the puppy was kept near their operations room which is next to the hangar door controls. I'll open and jam the controls, grab the pooch and meet up with you." "Got it." _Blake could only reply at the drastic change in his attitude and quite well laid plan._

 _Deadpool places his fists on hips and turns to Perry with a question look and tone,_ "Now Perry. I'm not gonna have to hold your hand or give you false words of encouragement during this job right?" "No sir Mr. Olo. I swear to you that I will do my best to ensure that YOU leave as soon as possible how you like." _Replied Perry with a salute and tone of desperation and seriousness._

"Okay kiddies," _Deadpool clapped his hands_ , "Let's get this show on the road," _he thumbs back towards the storm cellar_. "Perry! Lead the way and act casual in there." _As the trio begin traveled down the long corridor, Deadpool immerses himself in his mind and holds a meeting with fellow mental peers about the fact that Cable told him the dog was necessary for Deadpool to get back home._

(Hey writer think you write this scene better or suck less?)

 _I don't know that depends on whether or not did you guys sell out on raising publicity with Conan O'Brien._

(I retract my statement.)

 _After arriving to a ladder leading up to a grate, the trio finds themselves hidden behind crates and at the hangar spaced like a stadium. On the opposite side from them there were five bullheads; three of them being off loaded. While observing the movements of White Fang they hear a bark to their right side and see a balcony 50 meters high. The three looked at each for a second and broke off into their own roles._

 _Perry knew that some of his comrades would definitely recognize him and ask why was he at this outpost. The only way he could ready a bullhead without being stopped or questioned was to find the next one leaving or being fueled. With that in mind he grab a full fuel dust canister and slung it over his right shoulder obstructing the view of anyone looking at him from his right side. While making for the direction of the bullheads and getting there half way; someone shouted at him to bring the dust to the second last ship since it needed to be prepped. Having arrived to his destination and being apparently the only maintenance help; Perry began finishing his part._

 _Blake saw what Perry was doing doing and began checking crates for any remote detonators or time explosives; it was easy to locate the ones she needed as she used to be a high ranking member. After locating detonators, she attached them to crystal red dust and wrapped the whole thing in some cloth scraps. She had made seven improvised bombs; four were needed for the other ships the rest were gonna placed with weapons and dust. Swiftly she moved through the complex placing them at inconspicuous places; behind vents, inside adjacent crates and finally inside the landing gear compartment._

 _Though his teleporter was long due in for a maintenance check; it **was** made Osborn that he stole it from. At worst the thing wouldn't activate or teleport him minus a few bits and pieces. After his fourth attempt he was finally teleported at the ceiling rafters just above room where the hangar controls were. While watching the other two progress without problems, he started his. He dropped in front of door and in front of victim number 1 with a coffee mug in hand; with a quick chop to the old larynx and the catching the dropping mug he proceeded to dragging the soldier to the controls. After hot-wiring the controls to his phone, he staged the victim to being seated at the controls with a grenade primed and pressed the desk and guard's chest. After accessing the nearest vent to the next room he began to scan the interior; there he saw in a cage was a dog just like in the photo he saw. Now all he had to do was trigger the ceiling to open, when others would check the controls the grenade would go off, then he could grab the dog while everyone else was preoccupied and hopefully teleport them both to the rafters over the bulls. But first he needed to personalize his newly acquired mug with free coffee._

[Is this really the time to be doing this, we're going to steal a flying bull you could detail that instead you know.]

(But we got free fresh coffee with a non-personalized mug from a different dimension how often do we get the chance?)

[Fine, how about "Caffeine isn't a drug it's a vitamin."]

(Come on man, it's gotta be awesome like "I Heart Reynolds")

"Guys I got this," _as Deadpool pulled his sharpie off the mug to reveal_ , **Deadpool 2 - 2018**. "Alright now let's bring this story to an end."

 _Chapter._

(Chapter.)

[Chapter.]

 _As Deadpool hit a button on his phone, the overhead ceiling began to retract and a small commotion arose from the operations room. Soon two men left to check on the hangar controls and after a few moments victims 2 & 3 joined number 1 in dogknapper hell. With the ceiling retracted and the explosion in control room all the remaining members of White Fang began preparing themselves for possible attack. The men inside the control room scrambled out to contain the situation running and shouting. Deadpool existed the vent and made his way over to the dog._

 _Zwei was miserable, he was tired, hungry and most of all lonely. He gotten separated from the girls when he left their camp to relieve himself outside. When the bad men in masks attempted to ambush the girls while sleeping he barked and attack them to stop them. Unfortunately he struck from behind and while slowly passing out he saw he was being carried away from the girls who were fighting off the bad guys. When he came to, he found himself in a cage alongside other monsters. He tried smashing himself out of the cage but it wasn't budging even a little. He decided all he could do was wait to be rescued by girls, he knew they would come for him. Then one day while trying to sleep, an explosion shook him awake, his jailers left the room and then he see a vent cover fall off. His hopes ran high as he saw red and black clothing, but suddenly they changed as the person wearing the colors wasn't a particular girl but a man who waved at him and put his finger to his mouth._

"Hey there little guy I'll have you out of there in a jiffy. Now you may not know me, but I'm here to rescue you with a ninja catgirl." Said Deadpool as he began picking the locks. Zwei brightened up and wagging his tail at hearing the catgirl was here; when the cage opened up he tried to walk out only to collapse.

"Seriously!? Those guys are bunch a dicks for not feeding you or catering to your whims." _Said Deadpool as he picked up and carry Zwei under his left armpit and began to make way towards the door. He peeks his head out looking left to see men attempt to put out the fire and then proceed to walk out to the right. When he turns his head he comes face to face with a terrible cosplayer dressed as Mr. Peanut and two guards._

'Who are you?! And where do you think you're going?!" _Said Roman Torchwick. He was visiting all the outposts to give the order that everything was being moved into a new location and ensure it was happening. This was his eighth one and he had twelve more to get to; only now his job a lot harder because of an explosion with some nutjob in a mask and a dog was standing before him._

"Where are WE going? Weeell originally this is the part where we port away but my belt isn't working." _Deadpool nervously says as he repeatedly touched his teleporter, the two guards stepping closer and aiming their rifles at him._ "As for who I am...I...I'm" _Deadpool takes two steps back while Roman began brandishing his cane in his right hand. Deadpool relaxes his body and takes a deep breathe._ "LEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIIINS!" _Deadpool shouts at the top of his lungs and charges straight at Mr. Peanut._

 _The guards open fire, but despite the rounds going right through him, Deadpool continues on crashing into Roman and over the rails. As Roman screams at falling he sees the two guards look over the rails at the what just happened. During the falling Deadpool repeatedly continues to press his teleporter, while everyone else below looks at the sight of the commotion above. After the umpteenth failed attempt Deadpool has Zwei face him in mid-air and says,_ "Sorry for the rough ride poochy." _He then turns his back towards the oncoming floor and holds Zwei up high._

 _Perry and especially Blake looked on in shock at the two of them were falling. Blake knew **Hans Olo** might be fine thanks to his semblance, but Zwei might not due to looking sick. Seconds later Roman crash-landed on top of a pile of empty crates; Deadpool braced his arms and threw Zwei as hard as he could against him to reduce the force. Moments later a body hits the ground later Zwei lands on top of Deadpool; his paw touching the teleporter first and then poof._

 _Everyone stared in amazement as both the dead body and dog suddenly vanished in a flash, only an impact sign and blood were left. Suddenly inside the bullhead that Blake and Perry were in a flash appeared along with Deadpool sprawled out with Zwei sitting on top of him. The three of them blinked at each other and then turned their sight to Deadpool._

"Figures...that would happened...go now..." _Deadpool mutters with frustration and agony._

"Uhhh the ceiling hasn't retracted enough and is now stuck. If we smash our way out, it might damage the engines," _Blake exclaimed._

"Bull...smash...now...!" _Deadpool heavily stated_.

 _The bullhead takes off as fast as it can towards the opening, the other White Fang members began firing at ship with only glancing hits. Blake hits the remote detonator and the explosives activate taking out the other ships and supplies. A crunching sound is made as the ship flies, both of its engines being depressed and begins heading towards Vale. Meanwhile Roman clambers out from the wreckage of boxes, his suit torn and ripped, he sees everyone trying to put out the fires, his face filled with fury at what just happened. While staring at the contrails he raises his fist tightly at it and shouts._

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS LEEROY JENKINS!"

* * *

 **Okay here's the chapter some have been waiting for.**

 **Yeah I totally messed up, but don't worry I promise I'll have the next chapter for you guys in six months.**

 **Thanks for all your support and anger!**


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